5 Ways To Solve A Friendship Dispute
Friendship is really tough. It is the kind of relationship that goes through a whole lot of ups and downs. Unlike romantic relationships and family relationships, friendship is the kind of bond that is created by two people who have a mutual fondness of each other. There is no sexual intimacy or family obligations. So, it can be really hard to fix issues when they surface. But to me, my friends have been my whole world since I was extremely young. It is only until now that I have shifted my focus to my family. For a very long time, my friends were my family and my everything, and many of them still are.
But we all have had issues and awful fights with our beloved friends. Sometimes, these end our friendships or even keeps us away from each other for a long time. Here are 5 ways to solve a friendship dispute, so you can both feel the love again.
1. Have A Cooling Off Period: When you fight with friends, things can get extremely heated. So take time away from each other to cool off, to rethink, to settle down, and make decisions on how to move forward. Sometimes, one friend will want to talk right a way, so if you're the friend that needs a cooling off period, politely, tell the other friend that you need time to cool off and to think. During this time, really think and evaluate what you really want.
2. Talk It Out: This is the hardest part. My friends would hate it when I would be like we need to talk. But, I am the kind of person that needs to talk things out when something is bothering me. Call your friend and lay out what you think happened and how you are feeling. You also have to let the other person do the same and give each other time to respond. Listening to each other is important in this process. Try hard to keep your mouth shout and listen.
3. Offer A Solution: Don't go into the phone call or meeting without having a solution to the problem. By offering a solution, you are saying, "I want things to get better and fixed". Also, ask your friend if she has a solution or something you both can do to fix the problem. Even if one friend does something, both should come up with a solution because the only way to fix the issues is if both have a hand in actually repairing it.
4. Apologize and Admit If You're Wrong: This is so important because learning to admit you're wrong can be difficult. I have to say that most people don't know how to properly apologize. Most people say I am sorry if what I did hurt you. When you use the word if, you are putting the blame on the person you hurt. Like, it is their fault that what you did or said hurt their feelings, when in fact what you did or said did hurt their feelings whether that was done on purpose or not. It is taking the blame or ownership of the deed off of you and putting it on someone else, when you should acknowledge that your action were harmful and or hurtful to your friend. Instead say " I am sorry that what I did hurt you, that was not my intension" even if what happened wasn't your fault, you are understanding that your actions were hurtful. Also, learn to admit you're wrong, no one is ever completely in the right; so when you realize that you are at fault, admit it and apologize. With that being said, if you feel strongly...not stubbornly but strongly, that you are not in the wrong, then explain this to your friend and acknowledge that you did hurt them.
5. Forgive & Forget & Move On: Once you have talked it out, offered up a solution, and apologized; forgive each other. This is the only way you both can repair your friendship. Accept each other's apologizes, put your solution plan to work and move on. Don't bring this up when something else come up. Don't hold this over your friend's head. Truly forgive them and move on.
These are the five tips I live by! What are your advice on solving friendship fights? Put them in the comments below!!
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*This post was originally published in March 2017*